Funny article found in the Women’s Exponent. Do you see yourself in these stories?
HOW IT IS DONE
Scene in library—gentleman busy writing—child enters:
“Father, give me a penny.”
“Haven’t got any—don’t bother me.”
“But, father, I want it—something particular.”
“I tell you I haven’t got one about me.”
“I must have it! You promised me one.”
“I did no such thing! I won’t give you any more pennies—you spend too many. It’s all wrong. I won’t give it to you; so go away!”
Child begins to whimper.
“I think you might give me one—it’s real mean!”
“No! Go away—I won’t do it! So there’s an end of it.”
Child cries, teases, coaxes. Father gets out of patience, puts his hand in his pocket, takes out a penny and throws it at the child.
“There! Take it, and don’t come back again today.”
Child smiles, looks shy, and goes out conqueror, determined to continue the struggle in the afternoon, with the certainty of like results.
Scene in the street—two boys playing—mother opens the door and calls one of them, her own son. “Joe, come into the house right away.” Joe pays no attention. “Joe, do you hear me? If you don’t come in right away, I’ll give you a whipping!” Joe smiles and continues his play. His companion is alarmed for him, and advises him to obey. “You’ll catch it if you don’t go, Joe.” “Oh! No—I won’t. She always says so—but never does. I ain’t afraid!” Mother goes into the house greatly put out, and thinks herself a martyr to bad children.
That’s the way, parents. Show your children by example that you are weak, undecided, and untruthful, and they learn aptly enough to despise your authority and regard your word as nothing. They graduate liars and mockers, and the reaping of your sowing will not fail.
Quoted from the Woman’s Exponent, 1 Sep 1872
Our society hasn’t changed much. Have you noticed how many teenager movies show parents who are weak, stupid, and oblivious?
Yes, it is all too familiar. Never look for good parenting examples in the movies…
So now I ask you: If you were in the father’s spot in the above scenario, how would you have cut the demands off?
You ask tough questions… I want some answers from you, my dear!
Now a days, the amount would be more like $5, so there has to be a lot of common sense involved.
1) It’s sometimes better to say “yes” to a child, especially when they least expect it, but particularly when it doesn’t matter that much.
2) The lying kind of bothers me. Parents really should never be caught lying. I don’t lie to my children, but I often say, “Because I said so”.
3) Demand a limit or a bargain: I can give you two more pennies, but that is it (and of course, stick to it). Or propose something they have to do to get the penny such as a)give me a bite of whatever you buy, b)if you want a penny you have to sit and listen to what I’m reading for a few minutes, or the ever popular c)if you want a penny you have to let me kiss you five times here and now.
Never threaten a child. Face it, a parent never follows through with a threat and it becomes the family joke, the manipulative tool in a child’s hand. Consistancy in following rules (the parents, by example and the children, by the parent’s demand and follow-through)is the secret to good parenting.