I just finished reading a book about a family that hid a terrible secret. Their father was abusive. It turned out the father was mentally ill, and the family didn’t realize it until a lot of damage to the family had already been done. How do spouses escape? How do children survive? What can others do to help? The answer is always in the Atonement.
As President of the Quorum of the Twelve, Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk to the men, during the Priesthood session of the October 1983 General Conference. He asked a simple question: “What manner of men ought we to be?”
His message is specifically toward men who are cruel to their wives. He admonishes having self-control and striving to act like Christ in every way.
But what of men who use the scriptures against their wives? These are men who spend hours pouring over the scriptures and interpreting them to suit their own purposes. For instance, one man wanted his wife to call him Lord in front of friends and family because it says so in 1 Peter 3:6. Thank goodness for modern scripture because sometimes I wonder what they were smoking in days of yore. (This has to be a mistranslation or something out of context, right?) Because men are warned, very clearly,
“The powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.
“That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man” (D&C 121:36-37).
It is absolutely clear, in that statement, that men cannot use the priesthood to “Lord” themselves over their wives or children. In fact, the only way the priesthood operates is through righteous—and loving—behavior.
Pres. Benson brings up a beautiful point. He says there are only two commandments where the Lord tells us to love someone with all our hearts:
Matt. 22:37— “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”
D&C 42:22— “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.”
And then he goes on to say, “Surely when you love your wife with all your heart, you cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her, nor abuse her by words, sullen behavior, or actions.”
Thank you, Pres. Benson! And women, this goes for loving husbands with all your heart as well.
We are all on this earth to come unto Christ and seek perfection and the only real way to do that is to be humble and obedient. And to love others.
Now, what about cases of mental instability? That’s more difficult and there are no easy answers. It isn’t as simple as standing up against cruelty. We see co-dependent relationships develop and a protective dance often encircles the entire afflicted family. Disrupting it would mean having to face something everyone has become very adept at hiding.
The answer isn’t easy, but it is guaranteed. Pres. Benson says to “put on Christ!” If we are truly striving to be like the Savior, then we will recognize our own situations. The only thing we can do is give ourselves to Him to rescue us from ourselves. We have to have faith that He will carry us, guide us out of our prisons, and lead us onto the path of happiness.
Isn’t this what the atonement is all about? He already saved us, so let’s allow Him to rescue us also.